New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
