drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
