I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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