I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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