so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
