you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
