Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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