i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
