I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
