What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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