Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
