Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
