it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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