Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
