you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
