i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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