It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
