I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
