Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
