I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
