She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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