butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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