WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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