i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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