I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
