You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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