Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
