i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
