no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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