Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
