she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
