Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
