are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
