Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There r osticjed everywhere
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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