You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
