Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
