I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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