my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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