I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
