I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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