If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
