dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
