cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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