Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
