My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
