i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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