Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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