So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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