So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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