i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
