I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
