So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
