I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
