so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
