and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
