The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
